Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Caregiver's journal, 3/16/10

The days have been extremely difficult. I try to keep a smile on my face and keep a positive disposition, but some days I just want to cry.
My mom's Alzheimer's disease is getting worse, she's slowly becoming a stranger. She gets lost in our house, see stranger's in her room (mirrored doors), has accidents more often than not, and there are days when she doesn't know who I am.
Normally I'm a optimist who sees the good in things in the worst situations. Therefore, what I'm getting out of this heart wrenching experience is a new way to look at life, how to fragile life is and how we need to cherish very minute. I concentrate on the good instead of the bad situation I've been given.

I heard things happen for a reason to improve our lives.
By praying daily - I've gotten closer to God
I needed the exercise to decreased my stress - I lost weight, now I can fit into my skinny jeans.
Mopping and cleaning the bathroom accidents daily or change bedding - I've becoming a better housekeeper.
Doing tons of laundry of soiled clothes - improved my laundry skills.
When the chips are down, depression set in - I know I've can find strength and courage deep in my soul to get me through the next day.

I've learned to go with the flow of hallucinations, aggressions, total memory loss to having a new name daily. It's hard, but my mother doesn't know why she says what she says, or she doesn't make sense. She become to small child caught in adult's body. So, I try to make light of things and make her happy with the time she has left.
Thank you for your kindness and support. Hugs for everyone.


  1. Hello, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know this is very hard for you and your Mother. I'm a nurse and see this happening almost everyday in our office. It's so heart wrenching to watch. We can just comfort those when we can. Your faith in God will get you through this. Please take some comfort in knowing that others are thinking of you and keeping you both in their prayers.
    God Bless

  2. I am still pryaing for you and your Mom. There are days when I have to keep reminding myself that God is always bigger than my circumstances.
    I recall my Mother telling me she started wearing a pretty name tag when my Grandmother started to forget. I remember laughing when I heard Mom say to Grandmother "Mother, I don't mind when you call me Betty or when you call me Carolyn, but I draw the line at you calling me the dog's name" (The dog's name was Cricket and my Mother's name is Shirley.
    I admire your tenacity and your positive outlook!
    Bless you,